And God Gave Me You
by Joei Cassidy
Summary: Chapter 3 is up! When the time comes for SVU to end, this is how I want EO to end up. No smut here...but a whole lot of hard truths and a whole lot of love. E/O and other characters.
1. Chapter 1

And God Gave Me You…

Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. If they were, Chris Meloni would still be in it and Warren Leight wouldn't have laid a finger on this show.**_

_**So this in honor of season/series finale season, this is my take on how the series finale of SVU should be when it comes. I got this idea as I was watching the finale of the Voice and the eventual winner was singing Blake Shelton's song, "God gave me you." As I listened to that song, this story took shape. **_

**Sometimes, we have to know when to stop fighting and to let go…**

. . .

Kathy went into their living room, carrying some laundry to fold, on her way up the stairs. As she passed by, she saw Elliot with their almost 6 year old, Eli sleeping on his lap. Elliot hadn't heard her come in and he seemed just focused on the tv where he had the local news on.

Kathy turned to look at the screen and she realized why Elliot seemed so oblivious.

"Manhattan SVU detectives Olivia Benson and Nick Amaro arrested a man they would only identify as Joe in line with the series of rapes that had been occurring in the the West Village. When asked for her comment Detective Benson only had this to say:

**_We ask the citizens of Manhattan especially of the West Village to be patient with us. We are questioning the suspect as I speak and investigating all evidence. As soon as we come to a solid conclusion, we will release a statement. In the meantime, we caution all women especially those who live in the area of the West Village and nearby to be extra vigilant and to report any suspicious activity or behavior at once. Thank you._**

Kathy watched Elliot's face from where she stood. She could see anguish there and…what was that? Longing. There was longing there and…and…need. And, she swallowed hard... and then there was the strongest emotion of all and the truest there, love. She could see it. She could not deny it. He missed his ex-partner. He still loved his ex-partner.

Sudden tears pricked at Kathy's eyes and what she found a week ago came crawling back into her mind.

She had been organizing their closet and she had been going through old checkbooks, old receipts, old bills, letters, notes – going through them – discarding what could be discarded and organizing the ones that needed keeping.

It was in the midst of this sorting that she saw it. An agreement of refinancing their house back in 2010. She had been confused. They already had a mortgage on their house. Did Elliot take out a second mortgage?

So she had called the mortgage company and found that he indeed had taken a second mortgage on their home to the tune of $250,000. She probed further and she was able to find out that Elliot had already repaid it all.

After that conversation with the mortgage company, Kathy had racked her brain as to a reason why Elliot might need $250,000? She couldn't think of any reason until she remembered that was the year that Olivia had been wrongfully accused of murdering a guy who was a member of a biker gang and had been put it in jail for a little bit. Elliot had told her that bail had been set at $250,000.

The mortgage company officer had told Kathy that they were able to give Elliot a check of $25,000 at the onset of the refinancing. $25,000 was 10 percent of $250,000 – the exact amount needed to cover bail for Olivia.

It was then that it sank in, he had mortgaged their house to bail Olivia out. The man had risked his family being homeless, if anything went wrong. He had risked it just to bail Olivia out.

That was it. It was then that Kathy realized how deep Elliot's feelings ran for Olivia. Finally, after so long, it sank in. And call her crazy, but she wasn't angry. She was sad yes, but she wasn't angry.

That was a week ago. And tonight as she watched him watch the news, it sank in. He really loved Olivia but he was never going to do anything about it. Not unless, she let him go. Because she knew, he'd never be the one to walk away. He was that kind of guy.

Her tears were nearly blinding her but still Kathy stepped out of the shadows and asked him softly, "You really love her don't you?"

Startled, Elliot did a double take then replied, sighing, "Kathy, can we not start please?"

He was so used to fighting with Kathy about Olivia and now that they weren't partners anymore, now that he was no longer with SVU he didn't want to have to fight anymore with her about Liv.

Kathy set the laundry basket down and sat next to Elliot on the couch. She faced her husband and said, "I'm not starting anything, Elliot. I just need to know please, you love her right?"

"Why does it matter? I don't see her anymore. I don't even talk to her anymore."

"Because it does matter, Elliot. If you do love her, then why are you here with me?" Kathy asked painfully.

"Because you're my wife, Kathy. I made a vow to stay with you for better or worse."

"Oh, Elliot."

"What?"

"Wrong answer." Kathy told him, regretful and sad.

"Wrong answer? What do you mean?" Elliot asked her, puzzled but suddenly feeling sad too.

"I mean the right answer to that question is: Because I love you, Kathy."

"Oh. But Kathy that goes without saying." Elliot tried to backtrack.

"Does it?"

"Yeah, it does."

"Elliot, can I ask you something?" Kathy questioned him.

"Sure, Kath."

"Would you have gone back to me if I didn't get pregnant with Eli?"

Elliot dropped his eyes to the boy sleeping soundly on his lap and his love for Eli suddenly surged then. He could not and would not imagine a world – a life without Eli. But that wasn't the question.

"Elliot?" Kathy prodded, looking at him.

Elliot turned off the TV then and sighed. "I don't know, Kath. I mean you did get pregnant and I'm here, so…I don't regret that."

"I'm sure you don't Elliot, but that isn't the question. The question is if I wasn't pregnant with Eli would you have come back to me."

Elliot sighed again and asked, "Why are you suddenly asking me all these questions, Kath?"

"Please, Elliot, just answer them."

Elliot looked down once more and with his eyes still downcast, he replied, "I really don't know Kathy. I wish I could say, yes, but I don't know. I honestly don't know."

"El? Have you been happy since you turned your papers in? I mean now that you're in the private sector you get more time with us. But I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that you're not happy. That something is missing with you. Am I right?"

Elliot shrugged. "I do miss SVU sometimes but then I remember all the bad things that I see there everyday and when I do, I don't anymore."

"I'm not talking about the job Elliot."

Elliot looked up at her and suddenly his blue eyes were full of emotion. "Kathy, why all the questions all of a sudden?"

At his words, Kathy smiled sadly and started to walk away. But then she turned around again and told him, "Elliot if you only saw your face as you watched the news…."

That was all she said. And she turned around again and went upstairs leaving Elliot staring after her.

. . .

Two days later

"Excuse me, but can you tell where I might find Detective Olivia Benson?"

Amanda had been intent on finishing her pile of DD5s that she wasn't really noticing anything or anyone around her. So, she had been startled when a female voice suddenly addressed her.

She looked up and saw a blonde woman in her 40s standing in front of her. Immediately, Amanda went into detective mode and asked, "She's not here right now, but maybe I can help you?"

The blonde shook her head and replied with a small smile, "No, it has to be her."

"Ma'am if you're in trouble…"

"No, I'm not." The woman said, cutting Amanda off. "This is kind of a personal matter actually."

A wary look came about Amanda's face then and she was about to tell the woman to come back another time when all at once John Munch's voice exclaimed behind her, "Kathy! What are you doing here? I mean, how are you?"

Kathy gave a little chuckle and replied, "Hi John. I'm glad I haven't been forgotten yet."

John chuckled. "Forget a gorgeous woman like you? Never!"

"Thanks." Kathy replied, still smiling.

"So what brings you here?" John asked her. "How's El…"

But before John could finished his sentence, Olivia had walked in and stopped dead in her tracks. "Kathy! What are you doing here? Is El….is he…." A fearful look came upon Olivia's face as her voice trailed off unable to voice out the terrible thoughts that sprang to mind.

"Hi, Olivia." Kathy greeted her. "Don't worry, he's okay."

She saw Olivia breathe a sigh of relief. But then a wary look came upon Olivia's face and Kathy could see her guard go up.

"Olivia, is there anywhere we can speak in private?"

Kathy could see Olivia hesitate. She was sure that Olivia was wondering what she was doing there. Truth be told, she wasn't too sure either why she was there. She knew she needed some answers. And she felt this was the place to find those answers.

She could see that Olivia was about to make an excuse so before Olivia could make something up, she spoke again, injecting urgency in her tone. "Please, Olivia."

Something in Kathy's tone got to Olivia and the next thing she knew she was nodding. "Okay. Um, there's a coffee shop around the corner, how about we meet there in about 20 minutes. I just need to pack up here."

"Great. Thanks, Olivia. I'll be waiting."

"Okay."

And with that, Kathy said goodbye to John and left.

. . .

Twenty minutes later, Olivia entered the coffee shop and found Kathy seated in a secluded corner of the store. She ordered a decaf and then proceeded to sit where Kathy sat.

For a moment, the two women only eyed each other in silence. But all of a sudden, Kathy could no longer take the silence and spoke up. "Thank you for coming, Olivia."

Olivia nodded and then asked once more, "Kathy, be honest with me, is he okay? I just have this bad feeling you wouldn't be here if he was."

Kathy decided to be direct. She felt that was the best approach with Olivia especially she wanted to get honest answers from her. Olivia had always been the guarded type.

"He misses you." Kathy told her husband's ex-partner.

Olivia snickered and replied sarcastically, "He has a funny way of showing it."

"I know you're probably mad…" Kathy started to answer back.

Olivia cut her off, shaking her head. "I was, I'm not anymore. I've moved on Kathy."

"Have you really?"

"I have a new partner."

"And how's that working out for you."

"Great."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Okay, well I'm not here to argue about that." Kathy said.

"Really?" Again a sarcastic edge to Olivia's voice. "So please enlighten me what are you here about?"

"You know he had a nervous breakdown after he shot that girl? He had to go to a mental facility to recover."Kathy admitted.

Olivia's mouth suddenly went dry and when she opened her mouth to speak, her voice was practically a croak, "I didn't know that."

"He didn't want any of you to know."

"And now?"

"He's home. He's working again. He's better."

"That's good." Olivia replied, relief clearly showing on her face.

"But he's not great. He can't talk to me about what happened. Or about all the horrors he's seen in his job."

"I'm sorry."

"It's funny, I finally get what I want, and we're still not happy." Kathy confessed, her eyes full of sadness.

"What do you mean?" Olivia questioned.

"I mean, he finally has a job with reasonable hours, he no longer has a female partner that I'm constantly jealous of, but I can see that he isn't happy. I can feel his unhappiness."

"I'm sure that's not true, Kathy."

"It is, Olivia. I have to face it, you made him happy in a way I never could."

Olivia's breath hitched then and suddenly tears stung her eyes. She looked away and mumbled, "That's not true."

"Yes, it is. Olivia, I know about how he mortgaged our house for you. Elliot is in love with you."

Olivia gasped. She paused for a minute and then replied, "I, I'm sorry about that. I had nothing to do with…"

"I know you didn't. I know it was all Elliot. You'd never ask him to do that."

Olivia nodded and replied, "Still I'm sorry."

"Olivia, Elliot is so miserable right now. And the worst part is, he won't admit it."

"How do you know?" Olivia asked her.

"I just know. I can see it in his eyes. Two days ago, we saw you in the news and if you could have seen the expression on his face as he watched you on TV...it broke my heart."

"Why?"

"Olivia, he misses you."

"I don't know what to say, Kathy. I mean he left. Without a goodbye."

"He had a nervous breakdown Olivia."

"When did get back?" Olivia asked, looking concerned.

"He was in a facility in Connecticut for nearly 6 months." Kathy told her.

"Why didn't he call me after he got back?"

"Honestly? I asked him not to."

Olivia suddenly felt a stab of pain in her heart. "So why are you here now?"

"Because I love him and I just want to be happy."

"And?"

"He'll only be happy if he has you back."

"He knows where I am. All he has to do is pick up the phone."

"He won't do that." Kathy admitted.

"Why?"

"Because he thinks that contacting you would mean the end of our family."

"Is it?"

"No."

"So why don't you set him straight?"

"Because at this point, he won't believe me." Kathy confessed.

"So two things Kathy. Why don't you tell him otherwise and two what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because I need to know something from you before I can do what I need to do with Elliot."

"And what's that?" Olivia asked.

Kathy met Olivia's gaze head on then and no longer mincing any words, she took the plunge and asked, "Olivia, I need to know, do you love Elliot?"

. . .

To be continued….

_**So this is not going to be a long drawn out story. This probably going to be three chapters, four at the most. In any case, please enjoy and I will be working on the next chapter tomorrow. Please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_

_**For those waiting for It Happened One Night, I'm still rewatching SVU season 4, looking for that pivotal Season 4 moment. Once I've found it, I will update. **_

_**Thanks! **_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Author's note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

**It's not easy to let go even if it's the right thing to do….**

. . .

_"And what's that?" Olivia asked._

_Kathy met Olivia's gaze head on then and no longer mincing any words, she took the plunge and asked, "Olivia, I need to know, do you love Elliot?"_

Olivia didn't answer but Kathy could see her question got to her. Kathy saw her close her eyes tightly momentarily and then take deep slow breaths as if to calm herself down and control her emotions.

When it was obvious that Olivia wasn't going to answer, Kathy decided to repeat her question to prod her. "Olivia – please, it's important. Do you love Elliot? Are you in love with Elliot?"

Olivia kept her gaze on her hands. She still didn't answer but then as she sneaked a look at Kathy, Olivia realized that until she said something, Kathy was not going to stop. So she finally replied, "Kathy, is this some sort of trick? What are you up to?"

"There's no trick here, Olivia. I promise you."

Olivia met her eyes then and asked, "Then if there's no trick, I find it hard to believe it should matter what my answer is."

"It does, Olivia. I need to know if you love him…please." There was a pleading tone to Kathy's voice now.

"Why? Why does it matter?" Olivia asked again, her voice rising a bit.

"Because I need to know." Kathy repeated.

"You keep saying that but you haven't told me why you need to know. You haven't given me a good reason as to why I should even answer you." Olivia's eyes flashed. Kathy was upsetting her, bringing up Elliot when she had finally put him behind her.

Kathy opened her mouth to answer but before she could, Olivia cut in, interrupting her. "Kathy, in the long run, whether I do or don't it doesn't matter. We're no longer in each other's lives, so…the point is moot."

"No, it isn't Olivia. It does matter."

"If you're telling me the truth, Kathy, then tell me why it matters so much Why does it matter that you get my answer?" Olivia declared bluntly staring at Kathy, unblinking, unrelenting, her arms folded across her chest. Her was heart racing. She could not believe she was having this conversation with Kathy of all people. She just wanted to get out of there. "Look Kathy…" She spoke again, this time making a motion to stand up.

But Kathy laid a hand on her arm, stopping her. "No, Olivia, stay. Please. I'll tell you why."

Olivia paused then sat back down on her chair and waited for Kathy to speak.

Kathy swallowed hard and she felt the pain rise inside her. She knew her pain must be written all over her face. She could feel tears rising too and she swallowed hard again, trying to keep them at bay. Then at last she spoke once more. "Liv, it matters because – I…I…" She swallowed hard once more. She knew once she said the words, she couldn't unsay them.

"Because what Kathy?" Frustration lined Olivia's tone now.

"It matters, Liv, because I want to be sure there will be someone there to love him when I let him go." Kathy's voice had gotten very soft and her tears started to fall silently.

Kathy's voice may have been very soft, but her words roared thunderously in Olivia's ears. Olivia could not speak. The silence between the two women was deafening. Olivia found herself without words. For a few minutes she could only stare at the other woman who was crying silently in front of her. Then finally, she managed to croak out, "What? What did you say?"

Kathy collected herself, successfully stopping her tears momentarily. Her voice hoarse, she answered, "You heard me. Please don't ask me to repeat it, I cannot repeat it."

Olivia just nodded mutely, her face unreadable, her mouth open and agape.

"So please Liv, just answer my question, are you in love with Elliot? Do you love him? And when I say that, I mean do you really love him? For all the good, the bad and the ugly?" There was no anger in Kathy's voice surprisingly. Only acceptance, a lot of hurt and a whole lot of sadness.

It was then that Olivia realized what Kathy was doing. And tears began to well up in her eyes, too. She swallowed hard, willing herself not to cry.

"Please answer me Olivia." Kathy begged her through her tears.

Olivia finally managed a nod. "I'm sorry." She told Kathy, her voice tremulous from the effort of trying not to cry. "I'm sorry Kathy, I didn't mean to…" Her voice trailed off then. She could not make herself continue.

The moment the words were out of Olivia's mouth, Kathy seemed to sigh with relief. Olivia heard it but didn't dare question it. Instead she just waited for Kathy to speak again.

When Kathy spoke once more, Olivia could hear the relief in her voice. But she could also hear that sadness and pain there. There was a sad smile on Kathy's face as she told Olivia, "Thank you for your honesty."

"You have to know we never have -"

"I know, Olivia." Kathy interjected. "I know you guys never did anything."

"Kathy, what are you planning to do?" Olivia asked.

Kathy shrugged her shoulders. "I really don't know but I know I can't go on anymore living the way we have."

"I'm sorry, Kathy." Olivia said again.

Kathy shook her head. "What are you sorry for Liv?"

This time it was Olivia who shrugged. "Kathy, I feel like this is my fault…"

Once again, Kathy smiled that sad smile. "This is no one's fault Liv. But it will be my fault if I continue to be unhappy and if Elliot continues to be unhappy."

"Why would that be your fault?" Olivia asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Because I'm the one who has the power to change all that. And if I don't do something to change things, then whatever happens will be my fault."

Olivia didn't argue but only nodded. She didn't really know what else to say.

"Olivia, can I ask you something else?"

She hesitated only a split second before replying, "Sure. What is it?"

"I know I have no right to ask you this but, I hope you can be patient and wait for Elliot."

"What?" Olivia could not believe the words that she just heard Elliot's wife say.

"Just…just…just have faith, Liv. You said you love him…well he loves you too. So just have faith and wait. Semper Fi, remember?"

At Kathy's statement, Olivia blushed and her eyes grew wide. "How did you…?"

"I live with him, Olivia."

Olivia nodded. "Okay."

Kathy knew she was done. She finished her coffee and stood up. "I gotta go, Liv."

"Yeah, me too."

"Please, just wait and be patient okay? I know you don't have to, but I hope you do. Remember keep the faith and that Elliot loves you very much."

Olivia didn't know what to respond to that. So she simply said, "Bye, Kathy."

"Bye, Liv."

. . .

Two weeks later

"So Kath, you haven't mentioned it, but I haven't forgotten. Our 29th wedding anniversary is coming up, and I thought you and I could something to celebrate." Elliot told Kathy as she emerged from their bathroom.

It was a Wednesday night and their anniversary was coming up next week. Truth be told Kathy had deliberately not reminded him. Eli was already asleep and when she heard Elliot's words, Kathy realized she couldn't put off talking to him any longer.

She sat down on the bed and faced her husband. "Elliot, we should talk." Her tone was sober and serious.

"Sure." Elliot replied, smiling, sitting next to her. "What about?"

Suddenly tears sprang to Kathy's eyes and Elliot became alarmed. "Kath, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Elliot, we've been together almost thirty years…" Kathy began.

"I know. Imagine that…" Elliot's face held a soft expression mixed with his concern.

"Elliot, I…I…think it's time for us to be really honest." Kathy told him, looking at him straight.

"Kathy you're scaring me." Elliot told her, his expression more alarmed than ever.

"No, no…don't be. It's me who's been scared for a long time, and it's time for me to stop being afraid." Kathy declared, the strength and conviction that rang through surprised even her.

"Kath, babe, what are you talking about?" Elliot questioned, his blue eyes searching hers.

Tears now began to fall from Kathy's eyes. She reached for Elliot's hand with one of hers while the other she placed on his cheek. "Elliot, it's time for us to be happy. And, El…deep down we've known for a while that you and I – well we can't give each other that happiness."

"Kathy, what are you saying? Is there someone else?" Elliot asked. His voice and face were now riddled with pain and sadness.

"No. It's always been just you Elliot." Kathy reassured him, stroking his cheek gently, tenderly. 'Oh God, this was hard. How could she let him go? But she had to. They both deserved to be happy.'

"Then why?" Elliot looked confused and even more hurt now.

"Because you deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. And I cannot give you that." Kathy's voice broke then and she started to cry in earnest.

Elliot was crying now too. He was crying not only because he was sad, but because he suddenly realized how relieved he felt. "Kathy, I…I…I don't know what to say?"

"You don't have to say anything Elliot." Kathy whispered through her tears. "I will always love you, you know that?"

"I will always love you too." Elliot replied, his voice soft and hoarse from crying.

"I want you to be happy, El and I want to be happy too. And we both know, we've tried so hard, but that happiness…well we can't find it with each other. And so…" Kathy swallowed hard, trying to slow down her tears. "And so, I need to let you go. We need to let each other go."

With those words, Kathy and Elliot fell into each other's arms and sobbed. They cried for all the years that they had together, now over. They cried for their past and their present. And they cried for the future that they couldn't and wouldn't have together.

For a while they just let each other cry. And as their tears started to subsided, the heaviness in their hearts started to lighten albeit their sadness also grew. When their tears finally stopped, Kathy pulled away and told him, "I will never regret anything with you, Elliot."

"Neither will I, Kathy." Elliot returned, cradling his wife's face in his hands.

"We had a good life. But it isn't enough. Our children our grown and Eli – well Eli will never lose either of us. And as much as he won't understand this right now, I know when he's old enough he'll know that this was the right thing. Maureen, Katie, Richard and Lizzie – they're all grown up. We raised them and took care of them as best we could. And I know we did a good job. But now it's time we took care of ourselves."

Elliot nodded. "Kathy…I…I…how did I get so lucky?" He asked, his voice breaking once more.

Kathy smiled at him then and said, "Elliot, promise me one thing."

"Alright. Anything."

"Don't fuck it up with her."

"Who?" Elliot asked, looking puzzled.

Kathy didn't answer however and instead she gave him one last kiss. She stood up then and said, "I'm going to sleep with Eli in his room tonight. You don't need to move out. You can stay here as long as you like until you figure things out."

"Thank you, Kathy. I really don't know what to say."

"I told you, you don't have to say anything. Just be happy, okay El? I'll only get angry if after all this, you're still unhappy. So be happy. Find your happiness…you know you don't have to look far…"

"You too, Kathy. Please be happy too."

"I will Elliot." Then with a last smile, Kathy walked out of their bedroom and closed the door behind her. And that was it. They were over. The door was finally closed on their marriage. But she had faith that though that door was closed, windows will be open for her and for Elliot. And they would find that happiness – individually.

. . .

To be continued….

_**Up next, last chapter? Maybe until chapter 4. **_

_**I hope you guys liked that. I know it's not my usual smutty story, but I hope you like it too. Please do review here or on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Law & Order SVU and its characters are not mine. **_

**Sometimes, you need to face your fears head on…it's the only way to find your happiness…**

. . .

Olivia was finally going home for the day. And it WAS day. She and Nick had covered the night shift and it was quite the night. They had caught a case – and as a result, they had been on the move since almost the beginning of their shift. Now, 10 hours later, Olivia was exhausted.

She started to pack up to go home, she opened her desk drawer to put papers that she was still working on inside it. As she made room for the papers, she suddenly unearthed a picture of her and Elliot. It was taken in the precinct during their first year. They had been goofing off during a rare downtime and someone – she didn't remember who had the camera, but someone did and whoever that someone was had a snapped a picture of her and Elliot sticking their tongues out at each other like kids. Olivia's face broke into a broad smile as she remembered that day.

Almost instinctively, she made a move to take out the picture and she was about to open her mouth to say something to Elliot when she realized that the man across her was no longer Elliot. Suddenly feeling deflated and suddenly remembering that Elliot had left. He was no longer her partner. He hadn't been her partner for over 18 months.

Her mind went back to that conversation with Kathy 3 months ago. Kathy had told her that Elliot missed her and loved her. Kathy had told her she was going to let him go. And just over a week ago, she had gotten a text from the other woman. It was a simple message: _**Take care of him, Olivia. –Kathy**_

And that was it. Olivia didn't think it was right to text her back. So she didn't.

In any case, even though she sort of told Kathy that she was going to keep the faith, deep inside there was doubt. Elliot had left without a word and without a goodbye. Yes, he sent her his Semper Fi medal but that was it. After that, she had not heard anything from him. Of course, she realized now in part why that happened. But as they say, if there's the will, there's a way. He had gone behind Kathy's back before for her and though it wasn't something she approved of, it was something that was characteristic of him. So for him to not just call or text or email – it wasn't something that she was used to. It was something she never wanted to get used to. But in the past few months, she'd had to.

She glanced at the picture again and something clicked in Olivia. All at once she knew that even though she wondered why he left without a word, she knew that she would have broken if he had called to say goodbye. Yes, she would have gotten closure. But then that meant giving up the hope of him. And she couldn't give that up. WOULDN'T give that up.

She sighed and exhaustion sank in once more. She buried the picture under the papers in the drawer and shut it. She then stood up, said goodbye to Nick and proceeded to head out the door.

Outside, she jumped a cab and took the opportunity to close her eyes during the ride to her Upper West Side apartment. The traffic wasn't too horrendous amazingly at almost 9 am and she was at her apartment builiding in 30 minutes.

She paid and got out of the cab. She took the first few steps towards her apartment building and suddenly she froze and did a double take. She could not believe her eyes. Sitting on the steps to her apartment building was him. **Elliot.**

He saw her and stood up. He started to walk towards her, but then stopped, hesitating. Instead, he offered her a tentative smile.

A roar filled Olivia's ears and she couldn't move. She could hear her heart beating out of her chest as she stared at him almost disbelievingly. He was here. He was here again. But what if he was here to finally say goodbye? Dear Lord, she wouldn't be able to take that. And so she closed her eyes momentarily, praying to a God she didn't really believe in._** 'Please don't let him be here to say goodbye. Please, God. If you do exist and you're indeed up there watching over us, I'm asking you please don't let him say goodbye.'**_

She took a deep, quivering breath and then opened her eyes. Elliot had not moved from his spot. He was letting her take the lead.

When she started towards him, he did the same thing until they reached each other. Their gazes at each other never wavered. They remained locked – blue eyes looking into brown ones as they closed the distance between finally stopping at the foot of the steps of Olivia's building.

They didn't speak. Olivia's eyes searched his face - for what she didn't know. Maybe for a sign that he wasn't here to say that goodbye that she thought she needed only to realize it was something she never ever would want. But suddenly it was like no time had gone by and he was there again. And they were there again. Benson and Stabler. Only it wasn't like before.

She knew she had many questions. He knew she had many questions. And they both knew that before the day was over those questions needed to be asked and answered. But then again, those questions are about the past. She didn't want the past. She just truly wanted Elliot – her Elliot back. She could feel herself blush when she realized that she thought of him as her Elliot. All these years, even as she tried to help him patch things up with Kathy, she knew she thought of him as her Elliot. She never voiced it out but there it was. In fact, he was probably the only thing in her life that could make her believe that there was a God or at least the possibility of there being one. Every other thing made her question the existence of a God except him.

"Liv." Elliot finally spoke, her name rolling of his tongue gently, tenderly.

His voice saying her name again. Hearing his voice say her name again. She couldn't take it. Her heart was near bursting. She didn't realize until then how much she had missed that simple thing. How much it hurt not to hear that voice. Not until now. His presence such a constant for 12 years of her life – for one fourth of her years on earth – and it was suddenly taken away from her. But somehow right now that didn't matter. All that mattered was they were here again, the two of them. Benson and Stabler. Liv and El.

She couldn't speak. She could feel tears in the back of her eyelids and she knew one word out of her would induce her to tears. She was exhausted. Her guard was down. It would take so little to break her at this point. And she didn't want that right now. She didn't want a long winded talk about the whys and the hows. Right now, all she wanted was to bask in the presence of him. Right now all she wanted was to be in his company again.

So she did the only thing she was capable of doing then – she reached out, offering her hand to him. She saw him smile and without wasting another second, he took her proffered hand, enclosing it in his and intertwining his fingers with hers.

They entered her apartment building. And still they were silent. No words for now, only companionable silence. They walked to the elevators, got in and took the short ride to her 4th floor apartment.

Still hand in hand, Olivia led him to apartment 4D…her apartment. As Olivia momentarily released his hand to fish for her keys and open the door, Elliot was overwhelmed by memories of the past. He remembered when she had given him her keys for emergencies. He remembered when he came here to take care of her when she was sick. He remembered every single time that he came here. Except for one time during their third year of partnership, he had always been welcome here.

When Olivia got the door open, she started to walk in. But she had only taken a couple of steps when she realized that Elliot was not moving from where he stood.

She understood his tentativeness. Smiling softly, she spoke her first words to him, "Come in, El." And then she reached for his hand and tugged on it, gently urging him in.

The hesitancy melted from Elliot when she took his hand once more in hers. He walked in with her, smiling to himself as he noticed how in sync they still were even with their walks. They used to get teased about that and the memory made him smile.

She didn't let go of his hand. He prayed she wouldn't let it go because he intended never to let her go again. And before this day was over he promised himself she would know that. He was scared as hell but he no longer wanted to deny anything. She had to know. She had to know why he left without a word. And she had to know how he felt about her for the last almost 14 years. 18 months apart, not seeing or talking to each other had not changed his feelings for her. And almost 14 years, that was too long a time. It was time to be honest.

She led him to her bedroom. His heart was beating crazily as he entered it. He knew this was her sanctuary. The place in her apartment where she retreated to re-energize, to gather herself. This was the place where she could breathe and cry and shout and rave and laugh. And his heart swelled in happiness because even after what he did, she welcomed him here.

There was so much he wanted to say that he didn't know where or how to begin. So he settled for simply breathing her name out again. "Liv…"

"El…" She turned around and faced him, reaching out for his other hand so that she now held both of his in hers.

"I…" he began.

But Olivia interrupted him before he could speak any further. "El, it's been a long night at work…"

He nodded, knowing full well what her job entailed.

"I…can you…" Her voice hitched. This time, it was her hesitating.

"Stay?" Elliot continued what she couldn't say. There was a tender look on his face as well as gentle smile on his lips. Just like that, they were back to reading and knowing each other's thoughts.

The corners of her lips went up a bit – the beginning of a smile. Once more, she couldn't find the words, so she settled for nodding.

Elliot smiled at her and squeezed her hands. "Why don't you go to sleep okay? I'll be right outside waiting when you wake up."

Olivia started shaking her head then and Elliot suddenly looked confused. "No." Olivia whispered. "Not outside."

"What do you mean?" Elliot's lips went dry and his heart began to pound yet again.

"Stay El. With me. Here." She gazed into his cobalt eyes, trying to get him to understand what she could not voice out.

When she saw that he understood, she broke her gaze and released his hands. His heart began to beat even faster. She started to undress in front of him until she was only down to her underwear. She then grabbed a shirt from her dresser and put it on. He smiled when he realized that the shirt she had put on was his old NYPD shirt. Once she was dressed, she opened the dresser again and grabbed another one of his old NYPD shirts and tossed it to him.

Her meaning was clear. He only paused a moment and then he was taking off his jacket then his shirt. He quickly put on the shirt she gave him. He hesitated once more as he hands hit his belt buckle. He glanced at Olivia, waiting for her signal. When she nodded, he unbuckled his belt and slipped off his pants, stripping to his boxer briefs.

They stood there just looking at each other, both still wondering if this was just a dream. A few heartbeats later, Olivia slipped into her bed, getting under the covers.

Again, Elliot waited for her signal. He didn't have long to wait because as soon as she settled in, she gazed up at him, and patted the space next to her. Holding her gaze, he crawled into bed with her.

Elliot slipped his arms around her, half scared – he was half expecting her to push him away. But she didn't. Instead, she snuggled closer to him and with a soft sigh, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. A few minutes later after saying a prayer of thanks, Elliot slept too.

. . .

They awoke a few hours later. When Olivia started to stir, Elliot felt her movement at once.

Olivia's eyes flew open and for a moment she didn't remember why there was a pair of arms around her. She saw his tattoo then and remembered who it was with her. Elliot. Elliot was there with her. He had finally come back.

She started to extract herself from him, but Elliot pulled her back and held her tightly. It felt so good and so right to finally hold her in his arms that he didn't want her going anywhere at that moment.

Olivia let him hold her for a few more minutes before she moved again. But when she did, it wasn't to leave – it was to turn around so she could face him and look at him.

"Hi," Elliot murmured softly, looking at the beautiful face of Olivia Benson.

"Hi," Olivia said it back, smiling softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye, Liv." Elliot told her, reaching for her face with a tender hand.

"Don't be." Olivia told him, surprising him. "I'm not sorry you didn't."

"You're not?" Elliot looked at her skeptically.

"No I'm not." Olivia said again, her expression open and sincere.

"You were okay with me just leaving?" Disbelief lined Elliot's features.

"No I wasn't." Olivia admitted.

"Then why…"

"Because El," Olivia finally confessed, her voice filled with emotion, "I didn't want to hear you say goodbye. Because if I heard you say it, I don't think I could have taken it. It would have broken me."

Elliot's eyes filled with tears now and his heart went out to his ex-partner, this brave, independent, wonderful and beautiful woman that he loved. He loved her and he needed to tell her that now. "Liv, that's exactly why I didn't. Because not only did I not want you to tell you goodbye – I knew I couldn't ever tell you goodbye. If I did that, you wouldn't have been the only one broken. I would have too."

Elliot's voice broke and he had to gather himself before he continued. "So how could I? I couldn't ever do that. I mean, God Liv, God gave me you. And why would He have done that if it only meant that I'd have to say goodbye to you? I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't believe that."

"El…sssh…I know," Olivia replied softly, reassuring him, her blazing gaze on him. "And you know it's always been hard for me to believe in the God that you believe in…but…"

"But?"

"But in this case, how can I not believe?" Olivia said feelingly. "And He didn't just give you me, He gave me you. He gave us each other. And I have to believe there was a reason for that. It was hard, but I had to. It was the only way I could keep breathing. As long as I didn't hear you say goodbye, I had hope and faith…"

"Semper Fi…"

"Semper Fi…" Olivia agreed, smiling.

Elliot cupped her face in his hands, his eyes never straying away from her. It was the right moment. He knew it. And he took that leap of faith finally. "I love you Liv. I've loved you for such a long time." Elliot told her, gently but in a voice filled with conviction and sincerity. At last, he told her. And it felt good. It felt good and right.

"I love you too, Elliot." Olivia returned with just as much gentleness and conviction and a smile on her face. "And I can no longer remember a time that I didn't love you."

They stared at each other in happiness and wonderment for a moment and then the two of them were kissing. As they kissed all the pain, all the hurt, all the doubt began to be erased and began to be replaced with love, passion and tenderness. They knew then that a new promise between them was sealed. They would never say goodbye… from now on, all they had were hellos and a promise to never let go of each other again.

. . .

End

_**So I promise to update "It happened one night" soon…sorry it's taking me so long to watch Season 4 again.**_

_**In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this. Please do review here and on Twitter: Jo_Bautista**_


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